i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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