is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
