im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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