he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
