Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
