NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
