Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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