Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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