Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
