I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
