She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
