So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Sober January is a disaster.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
