so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
