And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
