Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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