Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
