And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
