You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
