just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
