Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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