So drunk its hurt
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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