haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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