You made me cry and you don't even care
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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