Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
