Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Who did Billy Mays play for?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
