foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
