am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
did i just pee glitter
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize