You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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