my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
