So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
