Well douche your snatch and let's go!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
