You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
