i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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