it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
