What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
