Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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