dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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