OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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