I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
