Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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