you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
