I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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