so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
