well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
