he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
