oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
