Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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