Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
