thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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