Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
