I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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