brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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