I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
