Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
