am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
