i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
