but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize