I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
