ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
