My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
