BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
