I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
only if we run a train.
done.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
