you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Are we still banned from the library?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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