Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
