i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
