If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
