So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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