Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
