There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
