Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
