Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize