Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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