everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
