sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
