just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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