Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
