just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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